Parenting: Connecting With Your Child
w/ Eileen Grimes
Eileen Grimes is the author of "The Us Journal," which is a parent-child joint journal that encourages the kindling of an authentic connection with your child. Eileen has a masters in education and her passion is in healing relationships and encouraging connections.
Eileen reminds us that we need to be curious about who our kids are. When our kids are young, they are dependent on us for care and we are in tune to their needs. We then become accustomed to meeting certain needs. Eventually, though, our kids become their own autonomous people.
We as parents tend to want to control the relationship. We tend to feel like we need to be "everything" for our kids, but we have to realize that we're not the only thing they need. Our kids need other outlets, especially to talk about things that they aren't going to want to talk about with their parents.
Parenting is not prescriptive. Every child is different and we need resources for each unique one. That's something we need to understand. As parents, we can't parent each child the same way we did for another one. Eileen describes us as our own little islands. She wants to teach kids how to build bridges to other islands, including with their parents, but also with others. This will give them freedom and access to life.
When her son was born, she knew that she wanted to build a bridge to him to keep him from the hurt and pain that she had gone through in her own life.
In the beginning of the pandemic, she wrote her own eulogy. First, she wrote what would be said about her up to that point, then she wrote another one that was what she would want to be said about her at her death. This is where the journal that she wrote came from, "The Us Journal."
So, what are ways to get curious about your kids and connect with them? The three words that Eileen loves when it comes to connecting with children and being curious are “tell me more.” Asking open-ended questions allows them to guide the conversation instead of us. We can give up control. That relieves stress for us where we feel like there has to be a lesson or the conversation needs to go in a certain direction. It opens up a door that allows us to be listeners in the conversation. The other thing is to “be silly.” There’s a feeling of relaxation and comfort in being silly together with our kids. It's also important to get on kids’ eye levels when you’re talking to them. It decreases the idea of aggression.
Finally, have a growth mindset and always be prepared to learn. This is the best way to teach your kids and give them the tools to deal with future relationships. We can give them the tools to say, “I am a part of this relationship as well.” Boundaries are also important. We need to set boundaries for them, but they need to be able to set them for us, too.
“I don’t know” is important for kids to hear. Sometimes it’s important for them to figure things out with you, and it’s also important for them to understand that you don’t have it all figured out.
More information on Eileen can be found in the following locations:
On Instagram: @LovedAsYouAreCo
She would love to hear from people who are using the journal!
