Forgiving Yourself

Forgiving Yourself.  Easier said than done.

“All I know is that my life is better when I assume that people are doing their best. It keeps me out of judgment and lets me focus on what is, and not what should or could be.” ~Brené Brown

Wise words, Brené. 

According to Merriam-Webster, to forgive is to cease to feel resentment against (an offender).  When it comes to forgiving yourself, the offender is you.  

I believe that when it comes to forgiving others, believing that they were doing their best is key.  Even if something was done on purpose or with malicious intent, that person was still doing the best they were capable of doing.  It’s harder to resent someone when you keep out of judgement.

So, why is it so hard to forgive ourselves?  I think it’s because we often feel like we know better so we judge ourselves more harshly since we feel like we know we aren’t doing our best. But, here’s the thing, even if we think we know better, we are still doing the best we are capable of doing. 

Growth and change is a process. Since experience is often the best teacher, we will make a lot of mistakes.  The good news is, we are human and that’s normal. Rather than shaming ourselves for making mistakes, we need to lean into forgiveness.  The longer we resent ourselves, the unhappier we will become and that will also affect how we see and treat other people.  

I’m going to be honest with you. My weight is a struggle. After my son was born, I buckled down, lost weight and got in good shape. I was really proud of my success and felt like I changed my habits and did it the right way.  Yet, here I am, back to my original weight, all of that hard work, gone. It’s been a hell of a year.  I have spent many days thinking, “I know better!  How did I let this happen?” 

Well, I did the best I could. The more I lean into this sentiment, the more I am able to show myself compassion.  Yes, I know better as far as healthy habits go, but the past year has presented challenges I never would have imagined.  I have been trying my best.  Unfortunately, my best didn’t leave room for my physical health as a priority.  I am working to let go of the resentment I feel towards myself about this setback and shift into a place of gratitude.  I did the best I could, after all.  

I’m grateful for all the lessons, growth and healing this past year provided.  I can let go of the resentment, shame and guilt, and make new choices.  I don’t need to be a product of my past mistakes nor carry around the weight, both physically and mentally, but lay it down, and continue on with the new lessons this season of life has given me.

Be kind to yourself. Allow yourself to make mistakes. Forgive yourself for past mistakes and the mistakes you will inevitably make in the future. 

This post is written in partnership with #HerGrowthCollective, encouraging women to walk the path of self-development together.