Dwarfism Awareness
w/ Allison Griffin
Samantha sits down with Allison Griffin to talk about her son's diagnosis of Diastrophic Dysplasia, a rare genetic condition that causes dwarfism.
Episode Transcript:
Jeremy Spittle 0:10
Coming to you from the m&m exteriors studio in Knoxville, Virginia, this is flushing it out with Samantha Spittle. The introverts extrovert. She talks to people so you don't have to for now.
Samantha Spittle 0:31
Welcome back to flushing it out with Samantha Spittle. The introverts. extrovert. Thanks so much for joining us. I'm excited to have my friend Allison Griffin here today.
Allison Griffin 0:38
Hello.
Samantha Spittle 0:39
Yay. Thanks for coming.
Allison Griffin 0:40
Thanks for having me. I'm super pumped to be here. This is my debut on podcast. Yes. Well,
Samantha Spittle 0:46
I'm glad you could join the podcast world. You are a super, I would say a super involved person. And I'm surprised that you're not you haven't been on podcasts. Yeah. Well, thank you. Yes.
Allison Griffin 1:00
That's nice. I'm fanning myself. Tell me more.
Samantha Spittle 1:03
Yes, I'm an active follower of you of things you post and read and learn. And that's why I wanted to chat today.
Allison Griffin 1:10
Well, thanks for having me. I'm excited to talk. Talk stuff.
Samantha Spittle 1:13
Why don't you introduce yourself?
Allison Griffin 1:15
Okay, awesome.
Samantha Spittle 1:16
listeners. Yeah,
Allison Griffin 1:17
so my name is Allison Griffin. I am dear old friends with Samantha and Jeremy here from our church community and Greenwich Presbyterian. And I am here today as a mama wife and Mama I know her like a little conversation. It's burning down your introduction.
Samantha Spittle 1:38
I'm gonna everyone's judging you based on
Allison Griffin 1:42
today's podcast is from the mama purse back. Yeah, so that's us many
Samantha Spittle 1:45
different hats that we all do, right? Yeah, we
Allison Griffin 1:48
all do. Yeah, yeah. So my wife and mom and full time working mom, swim coach, business owner, politically active volunteer sorority, act in love. Yes. I just am a joiner. I have like FOMO I'm like, that's my my jam. I don't want to miss out on anything. Probably over committed all the time. But yeah, try to give like about 85% everything.
Samantha Spittle 2:17
Yeah. But that makes you a good source for like, so that's why like following you, because I cannot I have FOMO too, but I definitely don't have the energy to do too much. So I like following people who do cuz I'm like, Oh, interesting. learn something new. They're so well.
Allison Griffin 2:32
That's great. That's, I think, with being here today, kind of why I'm here today, though, like, share some nuggets and insight and talk about my little man. Jackson. So that's probably my best and proudest accomplishment. Not probably it is yeah. So I am a mom to almost four year old son Jackson. And he was born with a rare form of dwarfism. Skeletal dysplasia is the medical terminology for that. The type called Dyess trophic dysplasia. And it happens in about one and about 500,000 births. They say some people say like, 300,000 Oh, yeah, a few. It's rare. So that's kind of turned our world upside down. And so things are different than we thought they would be when we were having a baby. But we cannot imagine life otherwise. So but it does come with some unique challenges and some cool insights and an amazing community that we didn't even know we needed,
Samantha Spittle 3:36
and introduce you to a whole, like you said a whole other community, a whole new world. And so we're talking now, of course, this episode will be available for for all of time. But we want to make sure to that it's coming out in the beginning of October, because October is dwarfism Awareness Month.
Allison Griffin 3:54
That's right. That's right. So I think that the one of the coolest things about where we are with Jackson and his diagnosis is that, you know, probably 20 years ago, dwarfism was like, sort of unheard of like, people may have known someone who was a little person or thought they did you know, oh, my like, Aunt, she was only four, you know, four foot 11 you know, or just didn't really talk about it. But I think in an age of social media and reality TV for good, bad and indifferent about reality TV that's really changed the awareness of you know, this particular thing in terms of disabilities and differences. And so that's been awesome for us because I don't know that we feel like it's come with as much baggage as parents for us because we've had some exposure to it. Yeah, and people in general have a lot more exposure to it than ever before. But October is dwarfism Awareness Month, there's a place to raise some awareness for people who don't understand or know what, that's all About
Samantha Spittle 5:00
Yes. And I was excited to chat about this, because as I mentioned with your social media, you post a lot of great video clips of, you know, other little people advocating sharing their stories and things like that, which has been helpful to raise awareness for us, you know, because stuff like you said, you didn't know about this community, right? You got involved in it. And now your circles of influence are being introduced to new people new things. Yeah. And so today, we were kind of talking about what are the tools to navigate people that are different from you, kind of introducing you to new communities? Is that
Allison Griffin 5:35
Yeah, I think so. I think, you know, helping people understand that everyone is different in some way. And that when you say, like, normal, that's a word. You know, we toss around all the time, like, what's normal? Like, that's everyone's normal is different, right? Yeah. Because it's
Samantha Spittle 5:51
normal to them exactly. talks about common sense, some episodes and how that's kind of a bad term, because not everyone has the right thing
Allison Griffin 6:01
that like, I never thought of that. Yeah. Yeah. That mean, it means different things to different people. And so you know, knowing that everybody has something that they're carrying with them struggling with some more more visible than others, right. So that's kind of where the discussion of different like if you can see it, and it's like, noteworthy, yeah, the stuff that you can't see obviously, is noteworthy, but like it's in your face, literally, in your face. And so Jackson's gonna be four in February. And so it's just starting to really come to light for us in that way. Because his particular sort of symptoms isn't quite the right word, but appearance from morphism is different than say, like one of the more most common types, which is a contra pleasure. So when you, you know, see, those kids look a little bit different in terms of their proportions, and have sort of a different recognizable look to them. You know, his is really just short arms and legs, like everything else is pretty well proportioned. So up until this point, you know, in the last year or so he just looked like a little baby slash toddler. And I think probably the average observer would have had to look pretty closely to realize like, Oh, those are not like the length of an average size, average height, child's limb,
Samantha Spittle 7:17
or like you said, when you're talking in full sentences, and people were like, Oh, I thought he was right. Right. Right. Right. They had put them in the box of some you know, right age,
Allison Griffin 7:25
right? Exactly. The age age relationship to development. Sure. And so now, you know, with his peers, you know, he's a good foot shorter, if not more, a toddler, I guess, kid, they're not toddlers at four. And yeah, really? Yeah. And so we just started to really have conversation about how to navigate that, because we had sort of put it aside like, yeah, you know, we were taking in all the information to like, educate ourselves. And as average height parents, there's like, some extra baggage because you have to realize that your kid's life is gonna be different than you imagined it would be, which, you know, when we found out we did, like, from the second we found out and I remember, like, still in, in tears, like coming home from some of those appointments being like, I have to find out, like, I need the information. That's the kind of person I yeah.
Samantha Spittle 8:16
To give yourself some sort of control over a power like a Yeah, you can't change it. So the thing you can do is educate. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. change your mind
Allison Griffin 8:26
mindset. Yeah, exactly. And sort of to piggyback on your best bathroom stories. One of the very first things when we when we realized when we got past that this was not like, life gonna be life threatening. Yeah, that was, you know, the first concern was sort of adjusting like, what are all the things that we are like, are going to be different? Like, I wanted to play and like that day, like, what I remember saying to Chris, like, well, we need to, we're gonna have to move we have to move now to like, a one floor house. Like, he's not gonna be able to navigate the stairs and we got to build everything. Custom accommodation, like, let's do this. And Chris was like, whoa, whoa,
Samantha Spittle 9:09
let's get through.
Allison Griffin 9:11
Yeah, so but To that end, I can remember the whole time I was pregnant thinking that this is ridiculous. I'm sure sounds ridiculous. But like, the most challenging thing, like his entire life, going to the bathroom is gonna be a problem. Yeah. And not a problem. But like, but yeah,
Samantha Spittle 9:29
and and that's something that people don't talk about. And but that's, it's a reality. Yeah,
Allison Griffin 9:33
yeah. And so like, now here we are potty training. It's like, Okay, this is like, what? Yeah, so we, you know, we're navigating and figuring that out. But that was the thing. I just I laugh every time I think like, oh, what was I most concerned about, like, how he was gonna wipe his butt. Yeah.
Samantha Spittle 9:51
Yeah, we got to think about that. Well, right. And it was, as you were talking, it made me think that when I talked about the podcast, and like, what do we want to talk about? I love talking to people and so you and I we talked about dwarfism Awareness Month and of course we want to talk about not about people we want to talk to people but I think that so that's of course true. I think it's also important though to hear your story because you are you did go through something you are living life differently than you thought and that's a reality of a lot of people too so guess I'm trying to say it's like both stories are important you know, and I almost feel like you sharing your story is bridging the gap to then talk to people that are different you know, kind of that Yeah, no personal changing
Allison Griffin 10:37
yeah and I think that's really important to say like when you're thinking about people who are different or you're you know encounter someone who's in a wheelchair or looks different that's an opportunity to to like meet them where they are and as opposed to like turning to the person with you and saying like oh my gosh, like what is going on over there? Did you see which I'm guilty of? We're all guilty of right like your curiosity as a human like for things that are not the same as the way you are? Yeah, but being able to engage people that it varies with people whether they're receptive to that but I think generally people prefer that than to like looks and stares like approaching them saying Hey, hi like how are you? Like I said some people not so much but I think that's a good place to start is to remember that they're people just like you and me they just you know the outside looks different than the inside is the same.
Samantha Spittle 11:29
So what So you said before you know you got the diagnosis with with Jackson and you touched upon you know, kind of the initial reaction How did you start moving towards the new normal?
Allison Griffin 11:41
Yeah, that's a great question. Um, I think I mean, like I said, the first thing I did is I just like Internet that's where you find everything. Yeah, Chris will even say to me, I'll ask him a question like random information. And he'll google it like I don't know what do I look like an encyclopedia? Right? Why do you think they have Google? And so that's I mean, that's immediately where I went right sort of looking it up and there's of course the doctors and people say like don't do that. Yeah, like you get the worst information you know, like what pops up on Google is like a whole strip of pictures at the top and we had had some in depth conversation already with the doctor so like, that was not as scary I think and that's not what I was looking for. I wasn't looking for like what's the worst case scenario I was like, I just need the info right? And I mean, as luck would have it, I found this I found a blog that a mom hadn't started for her little guy and I was like holy crap like this is yes this is it. That's what started reading it
Samantha Spittle 12:35
looking at connection it's finding the connection of someone who's walked the path and can help lead you through it.
Allison Griffin 12:41
Yeah. And I think unbeknownst to me like I was looking for the information like and probably was looking for the pictures like what is it gonna look like how you know how bad are things gonna be? But what I really was looking for was the connection Yeah, and having upon that I was like, I mean that was literally probably within days of the first ultrasound where we found that out and it was it was great so I went looking then you know, read through her blog and I'm like, gosh, I need to like this is not enough like I need to know this mom. This mom was like speaking to my heart. And I found her on Facebook because she had created a page for her son Brody and like connected and liked and I had posted at that time we had not really told you know, weren't really sure how to share that information really that widely so we had the ultrasound picture you know, his sweet little thumb sucking picture at the time we didn't know but that thumb position was like kind of indicative of his how his hands have grown You know, he hit it's called hitchhiker thumb for dystrophic dysplasia that's the one of the manifestations in ortho because I don't have regular joints in the fingers and so I posted that as my profile like here we are everybody knew we're having a 20 week ultrasound and I had just sort of like creeper like on Facebook like some of her pictures and their page and like within 24 hours she had sent me a message I was like I'm sorry if this is creepy but I noticed your profile picture and saw you liked our page and I'm assuming that you have gotten the same diagnosis we did and so it was like God's hands all over that so we're just laughing
Samantha Spittle 14:36
we're both crying.
Allison Griffin 14:37
I mean it's like yeah that's obviously not something to cry about but it's just like it is that's brings me back to my like heart
Samantha Spittle 14:43
But anyway, he reached out to you because you Yeah, that's what you needed. Yeah,
Allison Griffin 14:48
for sure. And Marcella has become like I said, I wasn't gonna name but I would encourage you to follow on Facebook. You know, if you're interested in really Hearing the heart of the story of someone who's you know, conquering challenges in a meaningful way. It's Brody's big adventure. And he so Brody is about a year almost exactly to the day older than Jackson so I mean it was like so fresh for them and they she just kind of took my hand and like Craig walked me through all the things I needed before he was even born. And and I mean, when I was in the hospital, I was literally on the phone with like, so this is what you know, tell me about what did what did you do when they told you X, Y and Z and how did you handle that and so it was just it's that's been the biggest blessing are the friendships and the connections we've made. And it's funny because I kept thinking like I was doing that for jack so like jack would have friends and would know little people and would be connected to the community and kind of like this podcast, I was like, Oh, it's really more important to talk to some little people yes, he can't really talk about all that's going on. But as his mom I feel like that's part of my job, but it was more for me and more you know, more for my benefit really. And that's been amazing and that's led us to actually really become more and more connected with other adult little people because that's really where the support kind of has taken us is like what can we like what should we be looking for? And like how should we be parenting him differently if if at all, I mean, it's not really huge things but but as he grows and obviously we'll start to ask more questions and I think you know, there'll be things that we need to confront and you know, sort of walk him through equips us by having not only the parent network, but also the network of friends who are little people
Samantha Spittle 16:47
and I'm glad you describe the proper like progression of how that worked. And that's kind of when you had Marcella Yeah, no, she reached out to you which was such a blessing and gave you the hope that it's I mean it sounds cliche but it's the It Gets Better yeah and it gets you need to know that it gets better and see you can tell yourself that but when you actually see someone living that out yeah on the other side of where you are is like and now you can move around and give that and so which is why I said yes we do you know we me especially like I want to connect with people and you know talk to people about all these things but you have a very unique experience to to share though. Yeah, right. Absolutely. And I think and I like how you went on that journey to kind of show you don't stay in that one place
Allison Griffin 17:34
yeah, Rose Yeah, I mean it's out you know, sort of laughing kind of through the tears but it's it's not to say that it's funny but it's laughable down to think like how traumatic that was at the time. Like looking back at myself you know, I can remember like laying in bed and just like sobbing sobbing sobbing sobbing and not being upset now realizing it wasn't about what had happened and how things were going to proceed that jack was not you know, perfect or normal or all those things but it's more the grieving the loss of what you mourn the loss of what you thought you were gonna Yeah, yeah, and it's the like enormity of changing your whole outlook on things and now while we're in it realizing like didn't change that much it really didn't change that much for us and that's not everybody's experience. I mean, some people have spent days and hours and months in the hospital or doctor's appointments we've been very blessed in that up until now Jack's been really healthy and hasn't had as much orthopedic issue or you know, any kind of issue or complications but that might not always be the case and so part of you know, we feel compelled or I think called to make sure that we're supporting our our friends in that same journey because we haven't we and it's not I don't think it's a question of if but when we are faced with something similar we know we've got the community to fall back on so we jump try to jump in whenever we can we've got some local friends but we travel to see some of our you know buddies family comes in has treatment and so we try to make sure we can be there to support them because that's that's tough when you're just handling things on a whole nother level aside from just regular life and your kid is you're putting them in the hands of surgeons and doctors and you just don't
Samantha Spittle 19:21
know and people can't understand you know, we meaning like me as your friend, I can support you, but I don't I haven't walked through it. So I can't support you nearly in the way Marcella Ken or someone else and you said something to that I thought it was important, which is when you were grieving it, and it was so dramatic and hard. You say you look back now and it's like, it's not that deep. But I heard something once it's like, you know, when Pete when we compare our pain to other people's pain, it's like well, you know, she's hers is worse because of this. But the thing is that this is the worst I've ever felt. That's the worst I've ever felt. And so she was able to meet you where you were at just like you'll be able to meet other People where they're at. Yeah, yeah. And walk with them through that, because that's part of the process and then like that, and then seeing that it gets better, but you can't you don't I don't think we wake up. We're like, oh, okay, I know it'll get better boom. Like, you have to go through all the, you know, yeah, it's a process. Yeah, it is it is for sure. But how we walk through with you, I just think that's the most crucial thing. Yeah. It for sure.
Allison Griffin 20:23
Yeah. And I think that one of the things too, that we're finding now, as, like I said, things are great. He's an average crazy, little three and a half, almost four year old on the personality of personality that would have I think, like, oh, would he be the same person he is, if it weren't for the skeletal dysplasia? And I'm like, Well, yeah, cuz one, he doesn't know any better. Yeah. And like, that's my, that's his personality. That's Chris. And I, you know, and so, it's funny, because people say, like, oh, we're so proud of what you're doing and the way in a way, you're raising him. And we're like, why? Like, that's what the keys are good. That's sweet. You know, we're not really not doing anything special. Other than just being the best parents. Yeah, me.
Samantha Spittle 21:11
So you can't speak for little people. And you said your LP friends. Right. So just to kind of update people. So little people? Yeah, I would say inappropriate, or Yeah. I was gonna say desired word. But
Allison Griffin 21:26
so and I mean, I guess maybe to make one of the takeaway, talking points is that terminology is important. Because they're for any community of people, or any type of people like claiming who you are. And identity is important. But everybody really just wants to be called by their name, right? Yeah, that's kind of that human kindness. Everybody has their own differences. You know, normal is not a thing. I guess. Like I
Samantha Spittle 21:53
said before, like Jackson is normal Jackson, that's who he is. So to put a label in front of his name, we wouldn't do that with my kid. redhead. Riley. I mean, I guess we could, you know, right. Right. But she just wants to wouldn't want to be called that, you know, she would just want to be called Riley. So Jackson, same exact right. Like, wants to be Jackson.
Allison Griffin 22:13
Yeah. And I think that's, again, people's curiosity, questions about the unknown. And I think in this day and age, people are sensitive, right to labels and differences. In terms of vernacular, you know, what, what do we call little people? Yes, that's an acceptable dwarf is pretty commonly acceptable. Some, I think people would say, like, I don't like that as much because
Samantha Spittle 22:39
the individual does. Yeah, I only asked you that just because like you said, You are introduced to a new community. So just to kind of, I look at it as like looping people in, you know, like, Yeah, well, it's
Allison Griffin 22:50
kind of what I've learned, and like, there's there some various opinions. You know, and similarly, you know, people will often ask this is not in the necessarily a little tangent from the names and like, what words do we use? But people would always ask when they know more information, not always, but a lot of times will have you considered like, what do you have surgery? Like? Wouldn't you want to do like limb lengthening? Or isn't there medication to help him grow more? And it's like, Huh, yes. And no, like, this is who he is. We're not going to make a decision for him to change who he is when he gets to an age if he wants to, that's appropriate. And some people feel like yes, that's totally great option. Other people like no, this is who I am, this is my community. This is where I'm supposed to be. This is my identity. So that's kind of along the lines of like, those mean, you know, the names and the words used to describe one of the things that is definitely a big No, no, I think using the word midget and I know that's get some controversy to still people feel like well, it's just mean small, which Yes, you know, not necessarily used in an aggressive or derogatory way, like as a description, but the origin of it from the dwarfism community is rooted in a time when, as part of like, a circus, or a sideshow that little people were on display. Yeah. Hmm, purpose entertainment purposes, and not also in control of their own agency, as far as that goes, like, nowadays, some of the controversy all here. So we have a local business that just posted an event and it was like, Okay, yeah, but a lot of people will say, Well, those are little people who've chosen to do that. Which is true, but then that presents that image to a whole audience of people that see little people using or being used as entertainment. So so like, there's the reality of it, like yes, that's maybe the way they have chosen to make a living or you know, participate. But it has a larger implication.
Samantha Spittle 24:53
And that's why I love the conversation. If you just leave it at, well, they chose to so that's the end of the conversation like no They chose to, and that's fine. Like that's their right. As far as that's what they want to do. But we need to have the conversation about why that is hurtful to understand. And same with the words and things like that.
Allison Griffin 25:13
Yeah, yeah. And I think again, something like, never would have given any thought to. And in fact, I can remember at least once, probably twice when jack was younger, and we'd be talking about something, and I literally would use the word and I was like, Chris would be like, What did you just say? And I'm like, Oh my gosh, I literally just said that. So it's kind of, you know, it's the awareness it's, you know, kind of back to the orphism wherever that's like what are the issues for folks who are in that particular community
Samantha Spittle 25:45
so since Jackson was born, what are some nuggets that you could share that you would want either other parents going through it to know or just I think also everyone to know what are just things that you've now learned that you want to share with others?
Allison Griffin 26:00
I think that you know, we kind of touched on it with the The first thing in talking about the labels right? And what kind of words do you use that it's really just important to treat everyone you meet as a person and using their name versus trying to figure out what to call them if they're different that's I think, a big thing and I know it's our human nature to want to identify like I said it's that underlying curiosity fear a little bit but like not understanding something that's not our own experience and can
Samantha Spittle 26:30
so that's that's a great segue to okay let's say you know, especially listeners that have the small children that asked vocal questions and whatnot so what to do when people different than us do we what are yeah cuz I feel like everyone's you know, reaction is shut don't point Don't stare don't don't talk about it. scurry away Right, right, sir. What How? Yeah, so
Allison Griffin 26:54
I think every one of those opportunities is to be I mean, I would look at it and hope Jackson would look at it as making a new friend, right? He's not his thing. He's not he does that anyway. And so it kind of gives me that insight like he doesn't look at anybody in terms of like, Oh my gosh, pointing staring like scary, like Ooh, that person is different. He asked questions like if he doesn't understand something, and that's, I think the place you should come from with your kids and fostering some curiosity respectfully and I think that's the best way to do that is to address whoever the person is. If you're in the grocery store, just say Hi You know, like how are you and if there's more questions that are coming from your kid Don't be embarrassed by them you know, you can encourage them or sort of bridge the gap with whoever that person is and say Is it okay if we asked you some questions or why don't you ask you know why don't you ask him his his or her name I think that's like I said a starting point to address that as I was about to use Word normal Yeah, but address that as person to person rather than normal person to different person
Samantha Spittle 28:05
Yes. And that's we I don't know if we talked about this earlier or not so either way we'll touch base again is why not use the word normal hmm yeah, that's fair that once again that's one of those things that before you brought it up it's just part of a regular is it vernacular or something you know part of your normal speak like yeah, of course something's either normal and then it's different why is that of course but right once you explained it, so I want you to explain it Yes.
Allison Griffin 28:32
So I think and again, sort of back to we had to educate ourselves and make a concerted effort to kind of learn how to be in this space. And that was one of the things like when we were talking about Jackson and I would say like well in a normal child and it was like timeout he has normal he's different than other kids in certain ways. So drawing the distinction that like his differences that other children are average height so that's kind of the way that that's described in the LP community you talk about average height kids siblings because a lot of families who have LP children are have siblings who are average height parents who are ever tight right so that's the description because that's that is what it is their average height your other child parent whoever is of a smaller height and so I think that that's the kind of the important thing that we walked through in the beginning saying like, Okay, this is normal for us now but we're still not trying to avoid using that because it just kind of generalizes things that are generalizes and puts things that are out of the ordinary
Samantha Spittle 29:37
Yeah, well no one wants to be different you know, it's would you want to constantly I'm imagining I don't know what wrong way to say it. But if someone's always saying how you're different how you're different how you're different Yeah,
Allison Griffin 29:49
well, so I'll use an example not to like call you out, but when like when we met but I'm gonna call you out. I can remember you always used to make reference to being so tall and that for you. That's what It's different, right? But that's normal for you. Right? joking. Like, oh, you can see like, above things, right? You know, how's the air up there?
Samantha Spittle 30:07
Yeah. For people that don't know me, I'm like, 510. So I'm not you know, not that talk not me either people that I meet other people, and I'm like, dang, I talk about how tall I am. And there's people taller than me. And now I like I don't want them to feel like I'm talking about their height, you know, talking about mine. Right?
Allison Griffin 30:20
Exactly. So I mean, for everybody, we have something that's like that, you know, he said, like Riley like she's read it like a redhead. And freckles, like that was my thing as a kid all the time. And as a kid, like, that was different. I can remember freckle face, like being picked on and I didn't, I don't know how, but I just I didn't ever feel really bad about it. Yeah. I mean, I can remember feeling different. And like, nobody else looks this way. Although there was one kid, my elementary school class who was freckled face, like I am, but not like the full body, ginger hair on fire and freckles everywhere. So I mean, we all have that thing and know that and that's just, you know, that's talking about on the surface, the physical differences, which I think is where it hits home, because that's what you see, right? You see, but you know, even the other kind of things like, Oh, she never goes out of the house, like, you know, people who you're always wondering, like, what's going on with them? Because they're not like the rest of us? Or they're doing you know, like, Why doesn't she join in? Why aren't you like, more social? Or I mean, I'm just thinking in my head, that was kind of like, yeah, you know, hidden things that people are carrying with them that everybody's got it. And so I think that's where the word normal, just, like toss that out, like just kind of detach yourself from that idea. And you know, embrace that different is normal. What's another takeaway you've had? So I think it's important to remember that you should treat others the way that you want to be would want to be treated, right. That's the golden rule. And assuming that, like, you're not into like hating yourself. When I say that, I'm like, oh, maybe that's not the right way to fit.
Samantha Spittle 31:50
Well, that's why that's a good tie in though to last week's episode how Christie talked about the Platinum rule, which is treat others the way they want to be treated, so that your intention is still 100%. accurate. It's just a way to flip it to like, right, what kind of goes back to what words we use, you might not care what words and you might meet someone who they don't care what words are. And that's so you find out like, I think about asking questions, is it okay? If I asked you about this, find out what people prefer. And that's when you build a relationship, you don't ask all those questions. Right away, right? To know them just first, what's your name? Right? build the relationship. But as you build the relationship, then you can figure out what do you want? How can I be a good friend to you?
Allison Griffin 32:29
Yeah, absolutely. And I think that's key that build a relationship, you know, I make talked about and made reference to like, the casual interaction, like the grocery store, like out on the street, or wherever, which is a little more like as a quick hit. But if you're talking about how do I help my kids learn that that's the most prevalent probably, situation you find yourself in, and they're like, the questions are a little asking the questions is a little more like, ah, but just smiling, right? Like making eye contact and smiling and saying, Hi, that's all it takes, right? Because the alternative is, stare the stairs or the like, quick turn away, or like the width of whispering like, right. And I find myself all the time doing that even just like as I'm going about my business, I you know, I was kind of a person who's like, turn, sometimes I'm on. Sometimes I'm like, head down, like, You're in my way in the checkout, like, get away from the milk. I'm trying to get over there, like, what are you doing? But it just makes you aware? Because you just never know. Yeah, where people are in their day to day lives. And like that eye contact and smile could be what they need, whether they're struggling or not, right? Yeah. Because for everyone, everyone
Samantha Spittle 33:35
could use an icon. Yeah. smilin. Yeah. And I and also, like you just brought up as kind of being true to who you are. If you're not in a chatty mood. Then if you see someone who is not like you, you don't have to suddenly turn it on and be like, I'm gonna go ask this person their name, and sure, and it's like, no, it's like, just like you. Yeah, be you.
Allison Griffin 33:55
And like, assume that the other person is has the same basic needs, wants, etc, that you do, right, maybe to be left alone, in the candy aisle at the grocery store, the
Samantha Spittle 34:06
room people.
Allison Griffin 34:08
And that's that Platinum rule, right? Like maybe just because you feel like oh, I need to know what's going on with that person. Let me go shot them up. Right, like a high and an eye contact and keep on walking is does wonders Yeah.
Samantha Spittle 34:22
And so for you. So you are in our community for us because of where we know each other. There's more opportunity for conversation. As Jackson gets older, could you walk through a scenario that would be appropriate? You know, you have kids and they say stuff and do stuff and yeah,
Allison Griffin 34:40
so we do have occasion where we've had some situations, I think, because of his personality. He gets away with not really causing too much of a stir, right? Because people are a little bit drawn to him because he's a show man, and he's like, all up in their business and likes to make everyone laugh.
Samantha Spittle 34:59
Yeah, he's talked about cute For a bloke, but he is so cute, so lovable. I don't know his personality. Yeah, well,
Allison Griffin 35:05
and so we're kind of at the point where he's, he's going to be four. And so that cute is much more of an act. Now it's not right where he like lives. I mean, 100% any toddler, or like, you know, three, four year old, like, yeah, is a monster at home. And like, you know, it turns it off, turns it on. But I think the propensity now is for him to know that he's got a crowd and an audience, and so like, not getting 100%, like his real reaction to things. But that's also how he, I think, puts himself at ease. Right? So then he can kind of feel out like, is the room of friendly? I don't know. I think I see that. And sometimes I think subconsciously, it's kind of like his mechanism for coping because I, I see that he's starting to kind of understand, and part of that is the toddler transition, he'll say, like, I'm a big boy now. I'll be like, Yes, because he means like, he's gonna be four. But sometimes, he means like, I'm grown enough now to do it. Which is hard, because I don't think Chris and I are 100% prepared to have like to fully have that conversation. So that's kind of the season we're in right now. Yeah. But um,
Samantha Spittle 36:24
has he ever as he noticed, if he's,
Allison Griffin 36:27
there's none after two times, where he said, I wish my arms were longer. And it was in relationship to like dressing himself, which is the current thing that we're really like, trying to push him to do and make the right accommodations, like everything else. He's figured out like, he knows he needs a stool. He know he can't reach things. And he'll say things like, Oh, I can't reach that. And I'm like, but you need to try because he's starting to use camp more often. Because I think the example I was starting to get was that he gets the baby comment. Yeah, more. So now because of the difference in size. Yeah. And comparison with peers. Yeah. And sometimes he's like, jumps on that real quick. I've not a baby. And sometimes that I think it, it sits with him, and he uses it when he wants to. But I also think kids sit with him. And he's tried to wrestle with that, like, Am I a big boy? Or am I still a baby? And like today, I'm gonna be, yeah, tomorrow, I'm gonna be a big boy, or five minutes from now.
Samantha Spittle 37:28
And that's something to that that's I think normal, like, well, like a normal development. Yeah, that's Yeah, that's something they all struggle with. Yeah, then you have this added layer. And I appreciate to wonder, also comment, like, on your vulnerability with that, that we talked in the beginning about grieving the loss of what you thought your life was going to be like. And I think what I was just reminded of when we were just talking about that is, it's not a one time feeling. Yeah, it's that each of these stages, you experience that? Yeah. And for parents that are to know, and that's okay, too, that you can be the strong parent, because from what I've seen and read and that you've shared with me and whatnot, it's like, okay, you have to not coddle I mean, we have to all not coddle our children, you know, but like, he has to learn to do things for himself. And you have to give, trying to think of the words like it's not like tough love or anything, but not do things for him so that he can learn to be independent and things like that. And I feel like when you read it in a blog post, or someone's kind of through it, it sounds very, nope, this is just what we do. We don't we don't pick them up. And you know, he just has to walk up the stairs by himself. But for you to acknowledge the pain that that causes you in your parent heart. You know, like that. Yeah, it's just
Allison Griffin 38:44
Yeah, well, and you know, it's funny, because I mean, haven't really probably talked a lot about this in a while, because we feel I say, we have been speaking in progress, but I feel like a little guilty, that that's the struggle I'm having. Whereas we have other friends, Mom, friends, parents, and their kids who are really struggling. And that's where, like you said, You can't compare. But at the same time, kind of helps. It keeps you a little bit tougher, because you know, like, we could be dealing with a lot more. Yeah. So that's Yeah, so thanks for the opportunity.
Samantha Spittle 39:20
Thank you for sharing. Oh, yeah, your journey, thank you for, as I said, being vulnerable. And that's not something that you just decide to be it's just who you are. And you thanks for being willing to share your story and your journey. And I know that it gives hope not only to parents that are going through that, but like I said, I've learned so much just from watching you because I want to be a better person to people, you know, and my kids you know, it's like your shirt says raise good humans, like, you know, how can we and I think the more we hear other people's stories, journeys, life lessons, we can then pass that on to our kids. Yeah,
Allison Griffin 39:56
and I mean, I too want to say like, by no unbeatens Am I doing it perfectly? Right? Yeah, just figuring it out, like we all do. But I think the importance of finding the resources or just being open and appreciating other perspectives, right, like we did that, by necessity. But even if, you know, like you said, like, you just, you know, reading and following along and just, oh, wow, like, I never even thought about that. Like, there's so much good out there that you can glean from people who are doing things that you would never think of doing or in the middle of stuff that like, doesn't it like it's not up your alley, that's not your jam. And then, you know, in turn, you'll find ways in places that that pays off later on down the road. So I think they, you know, thanking me for being vulnerable. But I would say like, thanks for the people out there. For other people being willing to be open and vulnerable to whether it's your, like I said, fear of the unknown or like, not understanding or just what, what's going on over there. Like I just don't know. Now, you know, thank you so much for coming. Yes, you're doing this that you bet. I appreciate
Samantha Spittle 41:11
you sharing about your family and yourself. For sure. Well, thanks.
Jeremy Spittle 41:15
Appreciate it. And that's a wrap. For now. Thanks for listening to flushing it out with Samantha Spittle. Music provided by twin music calm.org song titled tonight at the dance hall. Sound Editing by me Jeremy spiddal. A special thanks to our studio sponsor m&m exteriors is their website at mmm exteriors.com for all of your roofing, siding and gutter needs in the Northern Virginia area. Visit our website at flushing it out calm and be sure to subscribe. This has been a Spitfire production that was the greatest thing I've ever heard.
Transcribed by https://otter.ai
