Guilt
Today’s Her Growth Collective (HGC) is all about guilt.
How often do we let guilt turn into shame? I think what most of us actually struggle with is shame rather than guilt.
Ok, before I lose you, bear with me and check out Joseph Burgo PH.D.’s thoughts on PsychologyToday.com. He writes,
“Although many people use the two words "guilt" and "shame" interchangeably, from a psychological perspective, they actually refer to different experiences. Guilt and shame sometimes go hand in hand; the same action may give rise to feelings of both shame and guilt, where the former reflects how we feel about ourselves and the latter involves an awareness that our actions have injured someone else. In other words, shame relates to self; guilt to others. I think it's useful to preserve this distinction, even though the dictionary definitions often blur it.
Guilt: a feeling of responsibility or remorse for some offense, crime, wrong, etc., whether real or imagined.
Shame: the painful feeling arising from the consciousness of something dishonorable, improper, ridiculous, etc., done by oneself or another.
Although the experience of guilt is painful, our ability to recognize that our own actions may have hurt someone, to empathize with that person's pain and to feel remorse for having caused it are all signs of emotional health.”
Perhaps guilt is meant to be similar to fear. Fear is actually a good thing for us. It is meant to help us survive. Problems arise when fear hijacks us and makes us afraid at the wrong times or goes into overdrive. Burgo’s point brings up the idea that a healthy level of guilt can be a good thing since it shows emotional health.
If you are struggling with guilt, peel back the layers to see if what you are really struggling with is shame.
Guilt: I did something bad.
Shame: I am bad.
If you are struggling with feelings of guilt or shame, find a safe person to open to about your struggles. Shame holds its power in the dark. Compassion fights shame and you deserve to be free of shame. Let guilt be a healthy check point to help us be empathetic of others but don’t let those feelings of guilt warp into shame.
This post is written in partnership with #HerGrowthCollective, encouraging women to walk the path of self-development together.
