The Stories We Tell Ourselves
The stories we tell others can be a powerful way to share thoughts, feelings, and experiences to help people feel seen, connected, and less alone in this world. It’s why I am so passionate about storytelling.
Storytelling events like The Moth feature people on stage telling a true story, without the use of notes, to a live audience. According to The Moth website, “The Moth was founded by the novelist George Dawes Green, who wanted to recreate in New York the feeling of sultry summer evenings in his native Georgia, when moths were attracted to the light on the porch where he and his friends would gather to spin spellbinding tales.”
Perhaps, what is more important than the stories we tell others is the stories we tell ourselves. Much like the moths that gather around the porch light, our thoughts are often the direct result of the stories we tell ourselves. We can try to spin different stories to others but the truth will always be revealed by the “spellbinding tales” we tell ourselves.
Many of our stories were written early in our lives as a way to cope. However, over time, those thoughts have turned into Saboteurs. Shirzad Chamine defines Saboteurs as “the negative thought habits and patterns that live deep in your unconscious and derail your performance and happiness...All your stress comes from believing the lies of your Saboteurs rather than trusting the wisdom of your Sage (your true self).”
Feelings of shame are often the result of believing the lies of Saboteurs. The stress of our lives caused by their lies beat us down until the stories we are telling ourselves feel like facts, which induces shame. Shame cannot live in the light of truth, so the best way to fight shame is to name it.
One way of “naming” shame is to name the author of our story, or which saboteur is contributing the most to the narrative. Shirzad lists 9 Saboteurs; the stickler, pleaser, hyper-vigilant, restless, controller, avoider, hyper-achiever, victim, and hyper-rational. In order to change the stories we are telling ourselves, we need to identify where those stories are coming from and how they are affecting us.
Does one of these seem to resonate with you as you read through them?
If you want to learn more about Shirzad’s Positive Intelligence, reach out to Ed Johnson at Crafted Coach. He introduced me to the idea of the Saboteurs and has been helping me peel back the layers. When I start to recognize that I am telling myself a story, I question who the author is so I can be sure it is from a place of truth.
This post is written in partnership with #HerGrowthCollective, encouraging women to walk the path of self-development together.
